Every year some people decide to make a new years resolution, I laugh at these people, consistently, every year. Honestly, who can actually give something up that long that they love or be consistent enough to accomplish a year long task?!?! That is 365 days of pure agony in most cases. For example, if you give up some of your favorite things such as Coca~cola, candy, trashy reality television or Kare bear's chocolate chip cookies. I myself have never even attempted to fail at a new years resolution. Why hurt my own feelings with failure? Which brings me to another concern lately, why do we set ourselves up for failure?!?! This seems to be a human trend. There are some people who are always attracted to the impossible or most complicated people and situations. I find myself falling into this category more often then not. But I have come to my conclusion... BABY STEPS.
My baby step for a new years resolution is the widly celebrated Catholic lent. I can handle 40 days and 40 nights, (unless it was my 2005 promise to stop swearing/cussing/cursing/making everyone around me laugh a lot) instead of the dreadful 365 days of a new years resolution, also known as the year long commitment of hell. This lent discovery and fasination all started my freshman year of college, I was blessed to have the most amazing roommate and life long best friend Kimmy. I have always been completely mesmerized and captivated by intelligent people my whole life. Kim is by far the smartest smarty pants I've ever met, although my Pappas is neck n' neck with her, both so incredibly intelligent. They are my two science super nerds. I like to think I balance them out by using the other side of the brain, but I can't compete. All I can say is, when your roommate can memorize an entire medical terminolgy text book in one night and diagnose every creepy quirk about you, which might include your sweety palms, deviated septum and social anxiety, you've got to take her seriously. And this diagnoses of hers also triggered the social anxiety of mine, SO EMBARRASSING! I then and there decided to believe every damn word she said without the blink of an eye. She introduced me to lent and all of its rules and regulations, I then decided to give up Coke (the only love of my life) for the alloted time she instructed, watched her get an ash cross stamped on her forehead by a unattractive priest and I was sold. Lent became my sprint version of the new years resolution. My own person baby step to make myself think I'm moving forward and might actually have some self-discipline.
For those of you who didn't know, ash wednesday was this past wednesday. I was informed by Kim tuesday night that we would be struggling for the next 40 days and nights to give up something we both hold dearest in our lives... Food. Not all food of course, we're not freaking Gaundi. Thank hevens, by the way, I've given up sex until marriage, no way in hell I'm giving it up for the rest of my life, what a tard Gaundi could be at times. I mean really, who doesn't fight back or have sex? Although his wife did seem fine with the decision on sexual abstinence, which says a hell of a lot about their sex life anyways, right? Anyways... I decided I needed moral support at the home front because Kim is a resident of the great state of Kentucky and can't boss me around on a daily basis anymore, so I rallied some friends together. My Jack Jack, Mighty Mouse and swobes are joining me in giving up fast food, as much fried foods as possible and we are only drinking diet soda's... if any soda's at all. Mighty Mouse has also added the personal challenge of no candy, this girl is like Willy Wonka! She freaking loves her candy, no exaggeration. It's been 5 days and I'm living it strong Lance Armstrong style, not feeling any fatigue yet. Pray for me, this one is going to be a cruel endeavor. Does anyone else give up something for lent? Let me know how it's going for you. And Kim, Jack Jack, Mighty Mouse and Swobes... be strong!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Fun Lists
Who/What NOT to take Seriously:
*Anyone who still wears a scrunchy.
*Robinson humor. Especially in our blogs. Don't beat yourself up, we mean well. Janet.
*Any of the Fast and the Furious movies. That includes Paul Walker himself.
*Orem/Provo ideologies or traditions.
*Anyone who text messages over 25,000 texts a month.
*Women's college basketball coaching staffs.
*Sports Authority's BigFoot competition and all that boo shit.
*The "For Sale" sign in my parents front yard. They're not going anywhere. No worries.
*Danielle Swopes.
Some of my current favorite things:
*Down sizing from the 7 Eleven "Big Gulp" to just the "Gulp". My own version of dieting.
*Phase 10 with my Jack Jack and Mighty Mouse.
*Taylorsville High School's faculty. (They still remember every embarrassing thing about me)
*Tempting text messages. I'm a Robinson girl... it's in my blood.
*Melba's bag of assorted candies!
*Nights out with Gooey.
*Beef Sticks and boarding with Foote. That includes her hilarious text messages. All-time favorites.
*Phone calls with Kimmy McMillin.
*Tanning, even if the staff at my salon ranges from 17 year old mega hoe's to arab men with gold chains. I'm currently looking for a new salon, it's just so hard to part with their bulbs there. Decisions! I hate them.
*Advice from a wise older sister, while making a sonic run and doing drive by's of ex-boyfriend's houses. Real immature... we know, and don't care.
*Kristin B. Lyons humor and her sexual interpretations & theory on people and about life.
*Karebear's stash of homemade cookies she left me before ditching me for another daughter's company.
*The food network and H.O.U.S.E. with Hollie Hansen.
Things I sorta miss:
*Working with my Jack Jack.
*Indiana/Kentucky life.
*Kat close.
*Queen size bed and all its visitors. Get your mind outta the gutter, not those kind of visitors.
*Talks with Kayla about anything and everything.
*My athletic ability.
*Brentano 309.
*Hanging out with Boo Bear every single day.
*No Doubt. Get back together already.
*Good saturday morning cartoons. I'm not impressed with the new stuff. Where did all the violence go?
*Music videos on MTV.
*Anyone who still wears a scrunchy.
*Robinson humor. Especially in our blogs. Don't beat yourself up, we mean well. Janet.
*Any of the Fast and the Furious movies. That includes Paul Walker himself.
*Orem/Provo ideologies or traditions.
*Anyone who text messages over 25,000 texts a month.
*Women's college basketball coaching staffs.
*Sports Authority's BigFoot competition and all that boo shit.
*The "For Sale" sign in my parents front yard. They're not going anywhere. No worries.
*Danielle Swopes.
Some of my current favorite things:
*Down sizing from the 7 Eleven "Big Gulp" to just the "Gulp". My own version of dieting.
*Phase 10 with my Jack Jack and Mighty Mouse.
*Taylorsville High School's faculty. (They still remember every embarrassing thing about me)
*Tempting text messages. I'm a Robinson girl... it's in my blood.
*Melba's bag of assorted candies!
*Nights out with Gooey.
*Beef Sticks and boarding with Foote. That includes her hilarious text messages. All-time favorites.
*Phone calls with Kimmy McMillin.
*Tanning, even if the staff at my salon ranges from 17 year old mega hoe's to arab men with gold chains. I'm currently looking for a new salon, it's just so hard to part with their bulbs there. Decisions! I hate them.
*Advice from a wise older sister, while making a sonic run and doing drive by's of ex-boyfriend's houses. Real immature... we know, and don't care.
*Kristin B. Lyons humor and her sexual interpretations & theory on people and about life.
*Karebear's stash of homemade cookies she left me before ditching me for another daughter's company.
*The food network and H.O.U.S.E. with Hollie Hansen.
Things I sorta miss:
*Working with my Jack Jack.
*Indiana/Kentucky life.
*Kat close.
*Queen size bed and all its visitors. Get your mind outta the gutter, not those kind of visitors.
*Talks with Kayla about anything and everything.
*My athletic ability.
*Brentano 309.
*Hanging out with Boo Bear every single day.
*No Doubt. Get back together already.
*Good saturday morning cartoons. I'm not impressed with the new stuff. Where did all the violence go?
*Music videos on MTV.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Getting Settled in.
I am starting to find an interesting trend in making life changes. I tend to move around a lot, change jobs, or find new circles of friends to spend my time with. This might just be my personality, or maybe just an addiction I have that helps me to not get too comfortable or attached. Funny thing is, I always get comfortable and attached. I fail miserably. My own personal opinion is that I might have social A.D.D., KIMMY is that even a legit diagnosis? What I mean by that is, I enjoy a variety of people or scenes, and become incredibly uncomfortable if I don't get my freedom. Change has been made and it's been extremely satisfying.
A good example of this is my college career. I went to four different colleges, who does that, especially if they still don't have their bachelors degree?...April baby, I finally get that degree we all thought would never come. Why did I change colleges so freaking much... because I got bored, felt trapped, overwhelmed by commitment and kicked off basketball teams! Yes, once it wasn't my choice to leave ha ha ha, but an extremely entertaining experience. My trend has been noticed by close ones and brought to my attention on many occasions. One of my best friends, who I have nicknamed Worm for certain personality characteristics that have been proven wrong over the years, says that I play muscial chairs with my friends. Never getting too close or comfortable with a certain friend, or just loving to feel popular is probably her biggest argument. These are both true statements. I love people, attention and whatever else comes along with having random friends. Another close friend says to me the other night, "You hide your emotions with humor and laughs to avoid getting serious or attached, but there is a deeper side to you that only few get to know." Now I don't know if that's all true, but I do tend to avoid my feelings by laughing at them to down play their significance. In the last couple months I broke these personality traits and got royally screwed by showing emotion and getting too close to friends. Why should anyone ever get attached or be emotionally honest if nearly no one is trustworthy? Moral to this story is, change your friends and change your location, but don't change who you are. Hide behind humor and laugh your ass off with a bunch of friends instead of just a few. :)
One thing I have noticed with all my moves and changes, is that you always seem to find the right types of people to help you get situated and comfy in your new environment. Almost like it is destiny you meet these people at this exact point in your life. You are practically spoon fed answers to all your questions about yourself through these people. It could quite possibly be human instinct to seek out or rekindle friendships with the people you wish you could have been in your lastest life chapter. They teach you new qualities and views on life that are priceless and absolutely what you need to survive another day. I've been blessed to have found one or two new/old friends that have helped me along the way and given me new qualities to adopt as my own. We all eventually want to be our better "self" and develope ourselves for the next chapter and relationships in our lives. Being genuine and honest are qualities that are hard to come by. I'm so glad I've found and have had people close who are perfect definitions of these traits.
A good example of this is my college career. I went to four different colleges, who does that, especially if they still don't have their bachelors degree?...April baby, I finally get that degree we all thought would never come. Why did I change colleges so freaking much... because I got bored, felt trapped, overwhelmed by commitment and kicked off basketball teams! Yes, once it wasn't my choice to leave ha ha ha, but an extremely entertaining experience. My trend has been noticed by close ones and brought to my attention on many occasions. One of my best friends, who I have nicknamed Worm for certain personality characteristics that have been proven wrong over the years, says that I play muscial chairs with my friends. Never getting too close or comfortable with a certain friend, or just loving to feel popular is probably her biggest argument. These are both true statements. I love people, attention and whatever else comes along with having random friends. Another close friend says to me the other night, "You hide your emotions with humor and laughs to avoid getting serious or attached, but there is a deeper side to you that only few get to know." Now I don't know if that's all true, but I do tend to avoid my feelings by laughing at them to down play their significance. In the last couple months I broke these personality traits and got royally screwed by showing emotion and getting too close to friends. Why should anyone ever get attached or be emotionally honest if nearly no one is trustworthy? Moral to this story is, change your friends and change your location, but don't change who you are. Hide behind humor and laugh your ass off with a bunch of friends instead of just a few. :)
One thing I have noticed with all my moves and changes, is that you always seem to find the right types of people to help you get situated and comfy in your new environment. Almost like it is destiny you meet these people at this exact point in your life. You are practically spoon fed answers to all your questions about yourself through these people. It could quite possibly be human instinct to seek out or rekindle friendships with the people you wish you could have been in your lastest life chapter. They teach you new qualities and views on life that are priceless and absolutely what you need to survive another day. I've been blessed to have found one or two new/old friends that have helped me along the way and given me new qualities to adopt as my own. We all eventually want to be our better "self" and develope ourselves for the next chapter and relationships in our lives. Being genuine and honest are qualities that are hard to come by. I'm so glad I've found and have had people close who are perfect definitions of these traits.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Finally unpacked... Miracle on Williamsburg Circle.
It's been about three weeks since I made the move back home to Howie and Karebear's stack of bricks. I hadn't unpacked one box until today, Sunday February 8, 2009. I've just been living out of suitcase that included a couple outfits, work clothes, bathroom supplies and of course my most recent read, Middle Sex. Sometimes it helps to avoid reality that way, by acting like you are on a vacation. It's true though, I'm back at the parents. It's actually been a lot of fun living at home and seeing new and old friends. Many advantages come from living in the City of Salt, for example the drive from Salt Lake to Orem in the middle of the night no longer has to be made, which gives me a higher percentage rate for living through 2009, and for that I am thankful. And I no longer have to choose from three places to eat lunch, VARIETY!!! I've missed good Mexican food and normal people.
As most of you have read, I've been attempting to play a little ball the past couple weeks. For those of you who know me best, I know it's an awful idea. Be ready on the other end of the phone to hear me vent through all my past experiences and how basketball has not only destroyed my sanity, but quite possibly ruined my life. Anyways... My rec team is still the shit. We are untouchable and incredibly humble, as you can see. This past week we played the shim's (she-him) team, Jerry or I mean Carey. We came out with another dub. I actually scored this game, so my confidence is coming back one game at a time, which is helping my sanity.
This is not the end of my basketball week though. My Sports Authority partner in crime Jack Jack made me join her in a sisterly game of church basketball up at the U of U institute building. In my 16 or some odd years of playing organized basketball, I have never been so physically abused. I was informed by our team captain that the team we were playing had not lost a game in three years and that they had been rubbing it in all the wards faces. This was disheartening to hear, being that we are all children of God and that shit talking should not be aloud in church basketball, just doesn't seem kosher or Christian. So I felt it was Jack Jack's and my job to humble their ass's. We came back from their nine point lead at half time and beat them by nine. This was not pleasing to the other team, probably because they know we aren't in the girls ward we are playing with, and we totally pulled the "we're investigators of the church" card to allow us to play a little hoop. Cheating? Maybe. With about a minute left, this relief society looking skank charged at me closed fisted and angry and ends up jacking me in my lip, leaving me with a bruised face and a lip that was split open deep enough for stitches... too bad I don't have insurance or teeth. I will forever look funny. I learned my lesson once again, and that is, humbling people can be dangerous and painful, so just leave it to God or karma.
Since I've been home, getting up to The Canyons or The Bird to snowboard has been easier, and travel time has been cut in half. This past week THE FOOTE and I had some great experiences up on our favorite run 9990. This Friday there was a fresh bowl of pow up to our knees. MIRACLES do happen! We haven't had fresh snow in weeks. We were like kids in a candy shop, or pervs at a elementary school playground. Ducking the rope is a risk always taken when the powder is fresh and untouched. Although we have been a little freaked out since the week prior to this amazing snow fall, we were actually caught by ski patrol and smacked on the wrist for not making the 13 minute hike that is required for backcountry riders. Meh... whatever. We're addicts, we'll do what we have to to get what we want. Other than the fact that FOOTE did an unintentional flip and I almost got stabbed in the chest by a branch that was convinently as sharp as a spear and aiming for my heart. We were safe and will live to ride another day.
As most of you have read, I've been attempting to play a little ball the past couple weeks. For those of you who know me best, I know it's an awful idea. Be ready on the other end of the phone to hear me vent through all my past experiences and how basketball has not only destroyed my sanity, but quite possibly ruined my life. Anyways... My rec team is still the shit. We are untouchable and incredibly humble, as you can see. This past week we played the shim's (she-him) team, Jerry or I mean Carey. We came out with another dub. I actually scored this game, so my confidence is coming back one game at a time, which is helping my sanity.
This is not the end of my basketball week though. My Sports Authority partner in crime Jack Jack made me join her in a sisterly game of church basketball up at the U of U institute building. In my 16 or some odd years of playing organized basketball, I have never been so physically abused. I was informed by our team captain that the team we were playing had not lost a game in three years and that they had been rubbing it in all the wards faces. This was disheartening to hear, being that we are all children of God and that shit talking should not be aloud in church basketball, just doesn't seem kosher or Christian. So I felt it was Jack Jack's and my job to humble their ass's. We came back from their nine point lead at half time and beat them by nine. This was not pleasing to the other team, probably because they know we aren't in the girls ward we are playing with, and we totally pulled the "we're investigators of the church" card to allow us to play a little hoop. Cheating? Maybe. With about a minute left, this relief society looking skank charged at me closed fisted and angry and ends up jacking me in my lip, leaving me with a bruised face and a lip that was split open deep enough for stitches... too bad I don't have insurance or teeth. I will forever look funny. I learned my lesson once again, and that is, humbling people can be dangerous and painful, so just leave it to God or karma.
Since I've been home, getting up to The Canyons or The Bird to snowboard has been easier, and travel time has been cut in half. This past week THE FOOTE and I had some great experiences up on our favorite run 9990. This Friday there was a fresh bowl of pow up to our knees. MIRACLES do happen! We haven't had fresh snow in weeks. We were like kids in a candy shop, or pervs at a elementary school playground. Ducking the rope is a risk always taken when the powder is fresh and untouched. Although we have been a little freaked out since the week prior to this amazing snow fall, we were actually caught by ski patrol and smacked on the wrist for not making the 13 minute hike that is required for backcountry riders. Meh... whatever. We're addicts, we'll do what we have to to get what we want. Other than the fact that FOOTE did an unintentional flip and I almost got stabbed in the chest by a branch that was convinently as sharp as a spear and aiming for my heart. We were safe and will live to ride another day.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Recreational Fun!
With each and every week I find myself enjoying basketball more and more. STRANGE! I KNOW. This could be due to one of two things. One being, I might like it more because my teammates actually talk to me this season or reason two could be because my skills are slowly and surely starting to re-enter my limbs. I'm not going to go as far as saying my skills are back, but I did actually score some points this week. Which, sadly enough is success in itself.
On a more serious note, the Scorpions are 3-0 and unstopable. I dont mean to be cocky, but I'm saying this because our performance this week shows our ability to roll with the punches and stay on our toes in complicated situations, for instance... only having 4 players on our team this week. You might think I'm joking, I'm not joking, this is too serious of a subject. We were missing an entire body. Our team manager Mighty Mouse failed to inform last weeks MVP of our game (she's not important or anything), that we had a match Wednesday night at 7:30 at Milcreek, the most ghetto ass gym by the way. It's so gross, I actually witnessed a woman changing her babies stinky diaper on the baseline. Really? Not cool.
We arrived 43 seconds before tip off. One player short, and a teammate who will remain nameless, needed to use the ladies room and wouldn't shut up about it the entire drive to the gym. Sadly enough she had stage fright because of the poorly kept bathroom. Damn sanitation awareness and the fact that it has been engraved in most middle class American's minds. Ugh... she was forced to hold it. Then I felt pressured not to pee because she thought it was to gross... Ugh also forced to hold it. I seriously hate peer pressure sometimes. Not only have I lost my skills on the court, but I have to focus on not peeing my shorts too! What a stressful forty minutes I had ahead of me.
We started with four, and almost finished with three, because Chipper couldn't stop cheating, a.k.a. fouling. She got caught everytime! If you are going to foul, you have to make it cheaper and not so noticeable champ. I swear you went to Kearns High School... don't they teach you how to steal shit and stomp on faces out there? You should be able to get away with some fouls deary. And I know I tried to wrap around tip the ball from that fat girl and just takled her, that is beside the point. At Taylorsville High School they taught us how to cheap shot our way into the state finals with finess and class. Winning is winning, right? Take some notes losers.
In the end the four stunna's pulled off a dub. All that matters is winning, don't ever listen to or believe any of that good sportsmanship or just have fun bull crap they tell you, winning is the only thing that matters in basketball and in life for that matter. We don't mess around on our Wednesday nights. Mighty Mouse, Chipper, Maine Thang and The Toothless Virgin showed up with their game faces and took some house mom's names. Out numbered and with potty complications, we survived another week at Milcreek.
On a more serious note, the Scorpions are 3-0 and unstopable. I dont mean to be cocky, but I'm saying this because our performance this week shows our ability to roll with the punches and stay on our toes in complicated situations, for instance... only having 4 players on our team this week. You might think I'm joking, I'm not joking, this is too serious of a subject. We were missing an entire body. Our team manager Mighty Mouse failed to inform last weeks MVP of our game (she's not important or anything), that we had a match Wednesday night at 7:30 at Milcreek, the most ghetto ass gym by the way. It's so gross, I actually witnessed a woman changing her babies stinky diaper on the baseline. Really? Not cool.
We arrived 43 seconds before tip off. One player short, and a teammate who will remain nameless, needed to use the ladies room and wouldn't shut up about it the entire drive to the gym. Sadly enough she had stage fright because of the poorly kept bathroom. Damn sanitation awareness and the fact that it has been engraved in most middle class American's minds. Ugh... she was forced to hold it. Then I felt pressured not to pee because she thought it was to gross... Ugh also forced to hold it. I seriously hate peer pressure sometimes. Not only have I lost my skills on the court, but I have to focus on not peeing my shorts too! What a stressful forty minutes I had ahead of me.
We started with four, and almost finished with three, because Chipper couldn't stop cheating, a.k.a. fouling. She got caught everytime! If you are going to foul, you have to make it cheaper and not so noticeable champ. I swear you went to Kearns High School... don't they teach you how to steal shit and stomp on faces out there? You should be able to get away with some fouls deary. And I know I tried to wrap around tip the ball from that fat girl and just takled her, that is beside the point. At Taylorsville High School they taught us how to cheap shot our way into the state finals with finess and class. Winning is winning, right? Take some notes losers.
In the end the four stunna's pulled off a dub. All that matters is winning, don't ever listen to or believe any of that good sportsmanship or just have fun bull crap they tell you, winning is the only thing that matters in basketball and in life for that matter. We don't mess around on our Wednesday nights. Mighty Mouse, Chipper, Maine Thang and The Toothless Virgin showed up with their game faces and took some house mom's names. Out numbered and with potty complications, we survived another week at Milcreek.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Home Again... And looking for one bedroom apartment!
There seems to be a trend in my moving pattern as an adult. I move out into a new environment and living situation, "learn my lessons" as most older and wiser people would say (or just Jac Jac), and then pack up and eventually end up back home to gather myself... and in this case, pick my dumb ass back up. There is always a comfort in surrounding yourself with the people who actually love and care about you. These environments are hard to come by, and in my experience, you only find a few people who actually stand for what they are portraying to everyone. And some people can lose what makes themselves beautiful and not even realize it, sometimes just for a couple weeks, months, years or even forever if they don't get ahold of themselves soon enough. I haven't been the best me lately, I'm in transit to finding that part of me I've lost recently.
Last couple months have been a shit storm of emotions, stress, school and shitty people. Being a girl can be such a curse sometimes. Our emotions are SO out of wack, but that's not the worst part about being a girl, the worst part is having friends that ARE girls. I feel like the last couple of weeks I have been cast in a role for the sequel to the movie "Mean Girls". Unlucky for me, I didn't win the star role of the "alpha bitch" Regina George, there was a more qualified canidate for that role. No, I was just a bitch! You know the dumb girl in "Mean Girls" that can tell the weather with her boobs?!?! Yeah I was that dumb girl, although I can't tell the weather with my boobs, they do get complimented a lot lately (Mighty Mouse is still laughing it up I'm sure). I was the stupidest girl of all, which thank God isn't the case all the time. I was naive to everything going on around me, and I just kept playing into the perfectly set up traps around me. Although the most interesting fact about this situation is, for the first time in my life being dumb was actually an advantage. I didn't win the "little bitch" position this time... You know what I'm talking about, every Disney villain has their "little bitch" who serves as their own personal worker bee. Perfect example being Jafar and that annoying ass parrot, all parrots are good for is mimicking the ass speaking. My lose is my biggest gain, I'm free from the games, the drama and most of all the back biting bull shit. If at one moment you think someone who is loyal to no one in their life, actually see's you differently, then you are by far the biggest dreamer I know.
I have been a critical, judgemental, shit talking, unhappy "Mean Girl" the last couple months. I ignored all my good friends concerns in my change of character and proceeded to act in a way I knew was all to familiar from years before. Change came in reaction to my environment, and for that I sincerely apologize to friends and family I neglected. It truely is an amazing thing to watch yourself shed the skin of someone you once were, even for the second time around. The past month I have seen people in my life moved around like chess pieces, myself included. Then quickly turned against one another and used for the gain of others. Why is it that the poeple who are the least loyal and honest with us we find the most attractive? We eventually lose ourself trying to keep them close and end up mimicking their behavior. Mimicry is the highest form of flattery...How embarrassing.
Finally, I got a moment to step back and look at the disaster I had helped create, I thought that I was happy. Happiness is not tearing down others around you to make yourself feel more adiquet. It's not about being the most wanted, powerful or manipulative person. My heart is softening again, I can feel, I can love blindly and I can see people for who they are, not for what they offer me.
Last couple months have been a shit storm of emotions, stress, school and shitty people. Being a girl can be such a curse sometimes. Our emotions are SO out of wack, but that's not the worst part about being a girl, the worst part is having friends that ARE girls. I feel like the last couple of weeks I have been cast in a role for the sequel to the movie "Mean Girls". Unlucky for me, I didn't win the star role of the "alpha bitch" Regina George, there was a more qualified canidate for that role. No, I was just a bitch! You know the dumb girl in "Mean Girls" that can tell the weather with her boobs?!?! Yeah I was that dumb girl, although I can't tell the weather with my boobs, they do get complimented a lot lately (Mighty Mouse is still laughing it up I'm sure). I was the stupidest girl of all, which thank God isn't the case all the time. I was naive to everything going on around me, and I just kept playing into the perfectly set up traps around me. Although the most interesting fact about this situation is, for the first time in my life being dumb was actually an advantage. I didn't win the "little bitch" position this time... You know what I'm talking about, every Disney villain has their "little bitch" who serves as their own personal worker bee. Perfect example being Jafar and that annoying ass parrot, all parrots are good for is mimicking the ass speaking. My lose is my biggest gain, I'm free from the games, the drama and most of all the back biting bull shit. If at one moment you think someone who is loyal to no one in their life, actually see's you differently, then you are by far the biggest dreamer I know.
I have been a critical, judgemental, shit talking, unhappy "Mean Girl" the last couple months. I ignored all my good friends concerns in my change of character and proceeded to act in a way I knew was all to familiar from years before. Change came in reaction to my environment, and for that I sincerely apologize to friends and family I neglected. It truely is an amazing thing to watch yourself shed the skin of someone you once were, even for the second time around. The past month I have seen people in my life moved around like chess pieces, myself included. Then quickly turned against one another and used for the gain of others. Why is it that the poeple who are the least loyal and honest with us we find the most attractive? We eventually lose ourself trying to keep them close and end up mimicking their behavior. Mimicry is the highest form of flattery...How embarrassing.
Finally, I got a moment to step back and look at the disaster I had helped create, I thought that I was happy. Happiness is not tearing down others around you to make yourself feel more adiquet. It's not about being the most wanted, powerful or manipulative person. My heart is softening again, I can feel, I can love blindly and I can see people for who they are, not for what they offer me.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Therapy... We all need it
Numbness fills my every thought.
Hidden by a smile-my inability to feel.
You were there to keep my unstable mind still.
You're not a sip, syringe, or pill.
My eyes have been opened and unpeeled.
All addicts become incapable to feel.
So what'd I feel? High-Content-Real?
God, I hate rhyming- I need a thought to mess up my timing.
I'm too numb to think freely-
Trapped without passions or feeling- Why'd you leave me?
You were always reliable to sort out my insecurities.
Thoughts become words-sentences-theory.
I feel manic-highest to my lowest in an instant,
why can't you just be consistent!
Believing thoughts, words and people-
our hearts the only honest speaker.
One day I'll be free of my indecision.
Even if the cut off isn't my decision.
I'll always be true to how I feel-
Promise- Promise: My writing will heal.
-Chelsea Robinson
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)