Saturday, August 29, 2009


Back to school. It's the first school year in my life that I am not a student. It is crazy to realize how much of my identity was "student." Although, I might not be a student, I am still mistaken as one, and not in a good way. As most of my reader's know, I am going to be a high school teacher and I am currently a T.A. right now at the school I will work for until the semester change, when I should hopefully have a job teaching. Now, when ever you start a new job, you want to seem as though you are qualified for that job, right? I know that I'm qualified, I have the degree and shit, but it's hard to be confident when you are walking down the hall of the high school you work at and your fellow faculty member asks you where your hall pass is because they think you are a student. I'M TWENTY FOUR YEARS OLD. Embarrassing. This is only where my story begins. 

So I remember why they had me do all those story problems when I was in high school, it was for future reference like this, my problem solving skills were being finely tuned and ingrained in me to solve all sorts of problems in my life. So I saw the problem and I came up with a solution, I would make my hair a little less fun, dress in dull colors, act serious or mad and stop smiling so much. This was my new image and hopefully would make me look more like a teacher. My first day in my new image was picture day! O' joy! I hate pictures, always have. Every picture in my childhood has me frowning in a camouflage outfit. I would wear nothing but camo when I was a kid, I must have known that my life would be an ongoing battle for attention. 

I approached the lady at the photo counter who had all the information and the cards with names on them to give the photographer when it was your turn to be photographed and documented into the archives of horrible year book pictures taken by Life Touch Photography. Bastards, they always catch me when my smile is deflating and limp making me look like I have a crazy case of Bell's Palsy. The woman at the counter looked me up and down and said, "Senior?" I responded with, "Ugh, I'm twenty four years old." She gave me the pity look you get when you are inadequate at something, searched the faculty file for my name and handed it over with a hopeless glance. Great! I still look 16. Now I just look sixteen, boring and angry. It didn't end there though, the lady who prepares you for the photographer thought I was a Junior and the photographer thought I was well developed Senior. I knew he thought I was well developed because he couldn't take his pretty blue eyes of my rack. Is it like a prerequisite when applying for a photography job that you have to be a perv? Cause I qualify and need a second job. Think I look old enough to get the job, because I'm sure they aren't hiring Juniors and Seniors in high school!?!?!

When telling this story to a friend, she answered, "At least you look young!" Let me remind you all about the theory of age; it is not good to look young when you need to look older to be credible, e.g. when buying beer with your I.D. that no longer looks like you because you change your hair length and color every month, leaving both you and your I.D. photo looking underage and unalike. Now on the other hand, it is also not good to look old when you need to look younger, e.g. after your husband of 25 years leaves you for a younger woman (it is my personal believe that men age better than women) and you are left trying to find a new financial plan(male) but they're all swooping the younger chicks, leaving you screwed and penniless. I need to look older by next week and I have to stop laughing at the students when they disrespect authority. 


Lanea Sampson said...

Oh Chelsea-take it from an "old" NEVER want to look older! But the laughing thing-just look the other way cuz teachers really don't like TA's laughing at disrespectful students :) Hang in there. I think you'll be a great teacher.

Danielle said...

Oh dear.