Tuesday, April 28, 2009

~A Few New Favorites~

10. Crystal Light Lemonade & White Grape. Freaking bomb and it is totally substituting my Coke addiction .

9. Dancing with my friends. "I just wanna dance", as Dane Cook would say. It's what we do.

8. Ogies  breakfast/brunch with my favorite girls and by far our favorite boy.

7. Watching all the Wes Anderson movies all over again with Chris. And making fun of him for not being cultured in Cinema. 

6. My work out & diet routine up and running again... literally running. Yum... Cottage cheese and peanut butter.

5. Conversations with Chip. Seriously amazing. EVERY TIME.

4.  Funny/serious/meaningful/incriminating text messages from a old friend I can't seem to get rid of. She's like herpes.

3. Kristin B. Lyons. Just her. Everything about her. Unless she is calling me "crazy". What's "normal" anyways?!?!

2. GIRL TALK. GIRL TALK. GIRL TALK. Best work out c.d. ever! KAT call me. I'll help you download it.

1. GRADUATION! Time for a new chapter in my life. Transitions can be the hardest times, but usually the best for me. I'm obsessed with change. So excited to see what will come for me in the next year.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Prepare to laugh, Angus Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging!

There comes a time in almost every readers life when they find out that they are reading only depressing texts. This was my time - in my life. I have been reading epic poetry all semester and on top of that, the books I have been reading for enjoyment have been even more depressing than the death of the great warrior Achilles and the annoying journey of Odysseus. I HATE HOMER. (Kris, I still haven't started my latest epic. Laugh it up.) I don't know where, or who decided that depressing literature makes the BEST literature, but the literary canon is full of depressing shit. Being an English major, for two more weeks, I am forced to fill my head and emotions with all of these texts. Let's just say I finally realized this problem and decided to go back to my roots, adolescent literature. I'm not talking about any of that horse crap books in the Twilight series or freaking Hatchet. I mean british adolescent literature. British humor! It is my absolute favorite. God save the Queen, for comedy alone. 

A wonderful and beautifully humored co-worker told me about this series she had been reading. She said when she read it, "It reminded her of me." This is the one of those huge "red flag's" for me. Let me explain, it's always a "red flag" when people are either, 1) Setting me up with their friend that they think is just like me and we'd totally love hanging out. This always ends with their "perfect friend" feeling out humored and simple. Just happens. 2) blind dates. I know it's going to end badly when they say, "You guys will be perfect together!" Just so you know, for the future, no attention whore is going to want to date another attention whore. The stage is only big enough for one of us. Ya hear?!?! And finally, 3) book suggestions. I usually end up reading the suggested novel and find that I am not at all who I thought I was, but I'm actually awkward and not funny in other peoples eyes... So I usually avoid reading their "books that remind them of me". So naturally, I figured it was another depressing novel. I found I had no intentions to read it.

BUT! She kept mentioning it on the T.S.A. hotline. Since she's rad and not unattractive, I decided to take her word for it and was in search of this perfect book. Now I'm just pissed, I could not find it, why? I was looking in the wrong section at the local B & N. I was looking in the Literature section, not knowing that it was actually in the teen section. Blast. A teen book?!?! That means no sex. What a waste. I literally stopped reading the third Twilight book 3/4 of the way through because Edward "the prude" wouldn't seal the freaking deal. That Mormon author should know that no vampire is going to withhold lovin', especially if he is like half a century old and has been single in a double's world with his patch work quilt made-up hot family the whole time. Everyone around him has been getting some for years. Get. Real. Hasn't she seen that vampire movie with Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise? Sex is always the foundation. 

Anyways... I'm off course. Back to my point, I have found the funniest series of adolescent literature. I have never laughed out loud so many times while reading a book. This author, Louise Rennison has absolutely mastered recreating the hilarious thoughts of a teen who is curious about her sexuality, make-up, older boys, her lesbian teacher and can't help but be completely annoyed with her family. (Is anyone else having flash back of their teen years?!?!) British humor is absolutely hilarious, because there are no boundaries and she says it how it is from a teenagers point of view. No filtering out thongs and snogging in British humor, it's a riot. If you need a laugh and a quick read, pick-up, Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging, By Louise Rennison. I'm just starting the second book in the series called, On the Brightside, I'm Now the Girlfriend of A Sex God. Trust me, if you have a sense of humor and don't mind a cup of PG-13 humor with your crumpet, you will absolutely love this fun series. 

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Word Vomit

My life is words-
never at a loss.
That is;
until you.

Fumbling my words-
that is utterly absurd.
Utter and mumble,
I'm completely flustered.

You've captured my tongue,
leaving me numb.
Numb, as in: 

I'm closed.
You see through me.
Preoccupied in other things;
avoid real feeling.

Look you in the eyes?
No, to revealing.
Blindness and doubt keep me from jumping.
Your smile is hopeful-perfect-tempting.

Move slow;
your movement is too inviting.
You've got me hooked, 
without even casting a look.

Keep it shallow;
I'm emotionally fasting.
Don't get serious-
I just need your fix.

"Friends?", I say.
Good, this will last another day.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Howard, I think you've got a Cowgirl on your hands.

This weekend after a night of extreme dancing with our friends, Swopes and I woke up to hit the open road. She was making her way to CSI to watch the mighty Bruins slap stick in a friendly game of baseball, the great American past time of course. I was on my way to the farm to meet up with family and friends for my Grandmother's 86th Birthday bash. It's always a memorable experience to talk to my Grandma about what the hell is going on in my life. She always understands and has the best comments and straight forward criticism. Hilarious. Seriously though, 86 years old and not one similar thing our generations can share in common, but good conversation and friendship. I love my Grandma Dot. Even if she says that six (Thanks  D!) letter word that is no longer politically correct in any of the fifty states, when commenting on my overlarge Jordan basketball shorts I lounge in while playing catch up with her. I can talk to her for hours upon hours. Happy Birthday G-Dot. Love you doll.

It's funny to remember how much of a country girl I was when I was younger. Loved the dirt, farm life, shooting guns, riding dirt bikes and hanging out with my Dad. This trip I took a ride in our old Ford pick-up truck with Howie (my father). It was like old times, when I would sit in right next to him in the middle of his pick-up truck and admire him like he was some kind of super hero. I loved just shooting the shit and changing the water on our farm with my Pops. There is something about our families land, it has this affect on my Dad, he loves it so much and we have some of our best and most memorable conversations while driving around. He becomes my equal and my friend, not just an authority. It's been too long since I have felt that close to my Dad, I've missed it. 

This weekend was a very pivotal point in my life. It's hard to know what you want in life when you are being told what is right all the time, but you are questioning everything you are told. It is good to know now that my parents support my journey to find out what I want out of life. I don't know what it is, but they always know what's going on with me and have the best advice. Love you jokers. Missed you this weekend Kat.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Dancing with Wolves... I mean Worm.

This weekend was a huge success. My favorite of favorites was in town. What a great follow up to my weekend in Kentucky, a fun filled weekend with Worm. It wasn't a normal weekend for me. A miracle took place ya'll. A modern day miracle. I danced. Yes, I know. Crazy, right? For those of you who know me, I don't dance. Ever. It just can't happen. I can't like it. Until I did. 

My first encounter with dancing was in middle school. Good ol' Joel P. Jensen Middle School dances were the highlight of everyone's year, but mine. So much fun for your average kid that was going through puberty and hormonal change. For me, it was my social anxieties worst nightmare. I remember dreading the shit out of having to go to the school dances every year. I felt pressured and forced to go "get jiggy wit it". So I went. My cousin Shanna banana loved watching me squirm. Our whole childhood consisted of her pressuring me to "let loose" and "just try it". She once convinced me to bring my gerbil over to her house to play with her gerbil. Her gerbil had tunnels and what was like a gerbil disneyland in its cage, my poor gerbil only had a wheel it never learned how to use. It was B.D.S. (borderline down syndrome), I swear it. After being conned into bringing my gerbil to her house, her house that was all the way around our block might I add. I quickly started making travel arrangements in my head. BAM! Got it, my mom put everything in zip-lock baggies. So naturally I put my gerbil in a cute and convenient zip-lock bag for the walk to Shanna's house. It was never just a walk with my A.D.H.D. ass, it was a sprint, skip, twirl, spin gerbil in the air and catch it kind of circus act. All I remember was her mom's reaction and facial expression, complete disgust and horror, as she swiftly put the "sleeping" gerbil in a small box, and sent me home to meet the fury of my short fused father Howie. This is the day I learned about death and how the grounding system worked and was going to work throughout my adolescent life. This isn't where the story ended though, sadly enough. This situation had to be scary enough for my parents, having to see their child suffocate the hell out of a gerbil with a zip-lock bag and not feel one ounce of guilt, but then also having a child threaten to kill the others is just a massive red flag! The next morning my mother denied me puffy cheeto's for breakfast, I confidently responded with, "Give me cheeto's, or I'll kill the other gerbil!" I was then on close watch for a couple months to make sure I wasn't a gerbil serial killer.

Shanna banana was an absolute free spirit, where I was a lil' insecure and shy. Hard to believe now, because people can't get me to shut up. It all started when Shanna found out I had a major crush on this boy named Sean, and that I couldn't dance worth a shit. Perfect opportunity for her to point and laugh, right? She disappeared into the dark/bad lighting show that filled the low budget decorated gymnasium. I'm alone. People are dancing around me and I can feel my social anxiety attacking my body and in result it is making my palms and pits sweat. My life! She returns, only to be followed by the teenage love of my life, Sean. And damn he looked good in his K-Swiss shoes and Old Navy polo and jeans. He approaches me, and asks me if he could dance with me the next slow dance. I freaked out, I didn't know how to react. So naturally I made the worst social decision for the situation, I said, "NO! I don't want to dance." Now this response doesn't seem that bad on paper, or in this case, computer screen. But my body language was impossible to misread.  I looked like I was shooing a stray dog. I ruined my first slow dance and crush within seconds. Shanna couldn't stop laughing. All is fair when it comes to family embarrassing the shit out of you, right? 

This weekend I finally let loose and cut that rug I've been avoiding since Middle School. Worm and me went out with some friends to dance and mingle. By the end of the night Worm was climbing off of a box she was perched up on for the sole reason that was to achieve the highest level of attention possible. I finally had my dancing shoes on and she couldn't believe it, she had to get a closer look. Pointing in shock she came down off her box to see it up close and personal. It was true. I was dancing. Mission accomplished, she actually got me to dance. I'm a natural, sorta, okay not really at all. I'm already nervous about doing it again, damn my social anxiety and lack of dancing ability and skill.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I'm Sick of Goodbyes

Another successful trip back to my roots. There is something about going back to where you started that reminds you of who you are and how you got there. I have the best support system out in the Kentucky, Indiana and Tennessee area. Every time I fly out, there is this horrible fear I have that something has changed, that this trip we won't have what we had as friends. You know what I'm talking about, right? The separation that can get between you and friends over time and you can never find that same connection or chemistry you once had together. That is one of my biggest fears. We all work hard to keep this connection strong. With the e-mails, text messages, Facebook and phone calls. It's been five years and I still feel like I never left. 

Once I got out there we jumped right back into what we do best, stories of old times, stories of present times, life changes and the dreaded relationships category. We can lay around for hours and play catch up. When we played college basketball at the University of Evansville, we were so tired all the time from ball that our favorite form of entertainment was laying around picking apart each others brains. This lazy form of entertainment is the reason why we know each other so incredibly well. I know the life stories of my best friends and they know mine. I even let my roommate Kim read my childhood journal! Bad idea, I have been teased about my simple, innocent and tacky personal narration of my little life for years now. As a child I had just about every allergy possible, so I had a sinus infection for a good amount of my lil life. This made me very insecure and my family didn't help much, they would always say, "Chelsea! Go blow your nose!" Kim will not let this line die. Whenever I whine about something she will quickly respond with, "Oh, Chelsea! Go blow your nose!" REAL ANNOYING! I heard it a lot this weekend. 

Another funny thing is we all have different religious backgrounds. It varies from Catholic, to Baptist, to Methodist and of course to Mormon. This usually would form a gap in a friendship because it is hard to connect on a deeper level when belief systems are so different. This has never been an issue. It only brings laughter, usually on my behalf. Mormons aren't common out there. Let me fill you in with the latest, "Point and laugh at Chelsea" moment. We are at Buckheads, watching our beloved Cards get their ass's handed to them by Michigan State, and my friend Kendra is telling a story. Well our booth and the booth next to us were connected and we were jam packed in these two booths with our neighboring party because everyone was out to watch Louisville. Little background for you, Kendra has a sailor's mouth like me and so Cammie interrupted her to tell her to tone it down, or actually to shut the hell up because the party next to us doesn't wanna hear it. I kid you not, the man turns to our party and says, "Shit, I'm not Mormon. Go ahead!" My friends and I fell completely silent, only to explode with laughter. The man's reaction was confused and interested. I had to respond now, to continue the laughter and explain our response to his simple comment. I clear my Mormon throat and say, "That's alright, cause I AM!" He felt so stupid and we could not stop laughing. It seems that every time I go out there, I am the butt of a Mormon joke. It's great!

The only bad thing about seeing my friends is knowing I have to leave them. The distance is hard and I'm never happier than I am when I'm with them. There is something about friends that you know will never stab you in the back or abandon you for insecurities or drama. We aren't like a normal group of girlfriends, we actually are everlasting friends with no jealousy or drama. It's not like one of my most recent groups of friends, no one in this group will be running off with one of my old best friends to start a himalayan whistle kid family right under everyone's nose. Which is a great comfort, cause that shit just gets weird. Now that I'm back in Utah, I miss them more than ever again! It's a never ending circle of missing, freaking sucks. I'm taking matters into my own hands and throwing Louisville and Indiana State in my hat of Grad Schools. Stay tuned ya'll. I love you guys!!!