Buying time.

I am at a transition period in my life... again, maybe this is just life. Shit. After graduating college, one is expected to find a job and start their adult/professional life. I'm in the process of doing that, but waiting has become my worst enemy. I HATE WAITING! I am stressing out. I feel like I did when I was waiting for basketball scholarships to come through when I was eighteen and completely oblivious to the physical and mental abuse that came with signing that ever so attractive athletic scholarship. Trickery. Waiting is the worst for me though, the stress is paralyzing. I just want next fall to be here. I need it.

As of now, I'm bored of my current employment, as most people probably are in our economy. Where are all the jobs that bring you a fulfilling day, and continue sending you home happier with yourself and how you have spent your time? WHERE ARE THEY? I have one of these fulfilling jobs that will start next fall. Not sure what that job will be completely, but I have one. The problem is... what do I want to do June, July and August? I need money, but I don't want to dread my everyday like I am right now. Finding work is probably one of my least favorite obstacles in life, well that and finding a mate! Both seem to be more work than what they are worth in the end. The problem is, the only jobs that seem available to anyone are part-time retail and food industry jobs. Gross. How sad is our economy right now, it's pathetic. I am extremely frustrated. All those people who use the side of the brain that I don't use, you know the math side and logical side, not the artistic, abstract side. Yeah, they need to bring their "A" game and get the ball rolling financially for this country.

You know what the most annoying thing to me is, when you go to apply online for one of these bull shit jobs that high school students should have, not college graduates, and the company or organization you are applying for actually puts these applications under the link titled "careers"... career my ass. If they are going to use trickery and actually make you believe their is a career on the other end of that application, they should legally be forced to add under their company goals, drive employees clinically insane. I need a need a new job for the next three months. Can you tell? I'm going insane.

My Best Part...

Always there;

on the other end of my calls.

Without fail;

catching me from each fall.

I don't think I'll ever compare;

you love perfectly.

I'll always mimic your character;

my ideal example.

The part of me I cherish most-

you.

Love hearing these words...

"You remind me of your mom"-

my favorite compliment and accomplishment.

"You look more, and more like your mom"-

always searching my reflection for you.

You're my best friend, listener and critic;

you unconditional love always proves this.

You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen;

completely honest, selfless and driven.

I will always have hope,

to be just like you.

Seeing the world beautiful and new.

You're eyes aren't blurry or judgmental-

you love whole hearted and unconditional.

My hero;

is in my everyday reality.

My fan, My friend, My mom.

An Overdue Thank You

Now that I'm all graduated from college, it's time to start planning my future. This is one of the weirdest times in my life yet. I've never had to plan something that can be so permanent. Getting into a career just seems so final. It is a scary thing for someone like me to feel like something is final or permanent. A flaw, I guess. So of course, to make permanency an easier concept for me, I pick a career that is as close to being a student as possible, teaching.  As exciting as it is to think about actually having enough money to save and live very comfortably, it is also so sad to say goodbye to the title of "student". I have been a student nearly my entire life, and I love it. I've bounced around from school to school since high school, and as hard as it 

was to keep having to redo credits, change majors, make new friends, play college basketball for morons (excluding the Evansville coaching staff) and move all around, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I have had the best college experience. I learned so much about myself and the people around me. Becoming and English major has changed my life entirely. I love my professors and friends that have been so influential in my academic life. 

My parents have been such a powerful influence and support through all the years. I'd like to thank them publicly for their love and support. I'd also like to thank my sisters for their support. I don't know how many times I've had to call my sister Kat or drive down to visit her in California, just for her advice, love and support. Thanks you Sis. Thanks to all my close friends who have been there for me through it all. All the way from my childhood best friend Kim Lance to Kim McMillin, Cammie Campbell, Maya Gross, Kayla Burningham, Jen Allen and my Kristin B. Lyons. Thanks for always being there for me when I needed a push to get through school, a semester, a paper, a relationship or any other life stresses. I love you guys so much and want you to know how much your influence and help has helped me to succeed. And to all my other friends, recent and old. Thank you so much for your friendship and loyalties. It truly is such a gift to find real friends, some people will never find friends who are actually what they portray themselves to be. I have been blessed with many honest and real friends. I was looking at some quotes I've kept over my years in college, I hope you guys enjoy them: 

"A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same." - Elbert Hubbard

"A man's growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends." - Ralph Waldo Emberson

"A single rose can be my garden, a single friend, my world." - Leo Buscagila

"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down." - Arnold H. Glascow

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." - George Washington

"Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies." - Aristotle 

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that gives value to survival." - C.S. Lewis

"I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing." - Katherine Mansfield 

My Artist

Can you see me in color?

Or is your vision just as skewed.

Decisions are black and white-

isn't that how it has always been viewed-

trained to see only in shades.

Where is the color?

Make time for this change-

Stop, and notice.

White is only your canvas-

black simply the guidelines.

Color is the personality-style-soul-mine

Know you paint your own picture-

and it's absolutely beautiful.

Too inspired to be bias or blind.

Am I broken?- I'm finally seeing in color.

They're so vibrant and clever.

Your colors drown my ignorance.

Completely capturing my vision-

my artist, my wisdom.

Now that I see you-

I'll never misuse or abuse you.

Honest in my portrayal-

will you keep me?

Filling in my lines;

and covering my canvas.

I'll catch your colorful eyes-

like you've captured mine.

My Artist.

Spring Cleaning!

I love Spring! Not just because school is out and it is my birthday season, but because it leads to my favorite thing in life... LAYING OUT! Laying out is an art. Flipping at the right time, positioning yourself not to have annoying tan lines, keeping your coke ice cold in the sun, and holding your book just right so no shadow overcasts your perfect tan. It isn't as easy as it looks. It's a skilled art. :) Spring is the start of laying out conditioning for everyone. Everyone starts losing that winter coat, so to speak. I'm in the process of losing my winter coat every morning. Running, dieting and picking up heavy things. I absolutely hate lunges, buggers. The first week was hard and a burden on my schedule, but I'm feeling great now, and the results keep me going! I can't wait for the pools to open and for Worm to get here. She's my tan "spotter". Like my work out buddy, but for tanning. Oh shit, I'm explaining jokes in my blog, that probably means I'm not funny. Aww Rats, back to the drawing board.

Spring is so great, people start not only working out and cleaning up, but they hit the tanning salons or start doing outdoor activities to get that ever so luring tan. Why is everything that is a danger to your health so attractive? What an annoying fact. It's true though, everyone looks better with a cancerous tan. Their bronzed skin is so sexy isn't it? Although, if you really think about how it is just burnt, dead skin awaiting its next shed... that's not very sexy. Yuck, but hot right?!?! Oh I hate mixed and contradicting feelings! Gross, BUT sexy. I think the tan is why everyone loves summer. It is not just because of the weather, BBQ's, cool nights, and make-outs, but it's the fact that it is so much easier to find someone attractive during the summer. You always hear people talking about having a summer fling or dating a lot in the summer. This is my theory on why, TANS! Everyone is more confident and attractive with one. It's a fact. You will overlook some of the most annoying traits, flaws, bad social skills, stupidity and settle for someone you wouldn't even think about dating in the more dreary months of fall and winter. This is because of that damn tan. For those of you who are having a hard time finding people attractive these days... There is hope, THE TAN.