Thursday, August 21, 2008


This summer has been a cluster of awful relationships. Is it just me, or does it seem that no one has good relationships anymore? No one is honest with their partner or themselves. Black and white does not exist, only gray. I'm so sick of getting caught up in all these games, not only in my relationships, but others. Dating in Utah is the biggest joke of all. This Blog is for all my girlfriends that are completely disgusted with the dating scene and how freaking twisted dating has become. 

To start things off, dating does not exist. Only few and far between actually ask girls out on dates. Instead our culture has taken the "hang out" to the next level and this has become the modern day dating ritual. We all know what it means now when someone says, "Wanna come over and watch a movie?", code phrase for, "wanna come over and make-out while a moving is playing in the background." (the worst is when you pick a movie you actually wanna watch, so frustrating) We are all guilty of this and I don't blame guys, because girls have created this dilemma too. We act completely awkward when guys ask us on a date. It shows interest and puts us on the spot to either show that we are interested by saying yes, or not showing interest by saying no and then becoming that bitch that no one will ask out in fear of rejection. And what mormon mom started the bull shit, "Never say no when a boy asks you out". For a culture that pushes the D.A.R.E. motto, "Just Say No" like it's a article of faith or 10 commandment, it's funny they push you to lead guys on by always saying yes. But then after you lead them on and they try to kiss you or touch you, you better SAY NO! How confusing does that make prom night for teenage girl's and boy's.

Dating makes things black and white. They ask us out and we know they are interested, and by asking us out they totally expose themselves as being interested in us. Our generations is so petrified of exposing our emotions to anyone, especially the opposite sex. Emotions show weakness or make us vulnerable. No one wants that anymore. Making gray situations is the easiest and most comfortable way to interact with who we are trying "hollar" at. This is a typical thought pattern: Come hang out... if we make-out cool, if we don't then at least you don't know that I wish we had made-out and I'm not embarrassed at the end of the night. Are you kidding me? You all know what I'm talking about. We all gotta keep that upper hand ya'll. We all do this, always avoiding the option to look sincere or whoop'd. 

The last boy I seriously dated never took me out. We had been friends for years and he must have thought we were past the "woo'in" stage. What a moron. It didn't help that he was too proud to work and didn't have a job. What's with the work ethic of men these days? Pathetic. How do boys expect us to be with them when they can't even show us they can take care of us or themselves? On another note, I understand boys don't do cute things for girls like bring them flowers, write poetry, or tell girls that they are beautiful... why because most girls make guys feel stupid for doing it. They make guys feel like that isn't masculine to be so sincere and thoughtful. But for those of us who are grateful for those small acts of kindness, thanks a lot boys! Keep that shit up. I had a boy tell me once, "I don't know if I should get you flowers because you'll probably make me feel stupid for doing it". Are you kidding me?!?! Just because I am athletic and assertive doesn't mean I don't like being treated like a girl! This is the same boy who gave me flowers on graduation day 5 years ago, and I STILL have those flowers. Just shows that just because you are kissing and rolling around on a couch with someone, doesn't mean you even know that person at all. LOOK DEEPER dip shits. 

Now for my final frustration with the dating scene. Is it the divorce rate or our culture that has turned dating into a "window shopping" mentality. Don't fall in love because you have a better chance keeping a relationship if it's ran more like a business. Do we both get something profitable out of this tangle of emotions or lack there of? We are no longer looking for love but forcing ourselves to love qualities and compatibilities instead of a person. We are shopping for convenience in our partners. The connection, attraction, friendship and LOVE is downplayed to whether they are beautiful to everyone else, they can cook, fix a car, tell a decent joke, make millions, hold a high calling or position in our churches or communities, they like the same athletic teams as you, vote for the same political party, or even down to the stupidest thing as color of eyes or hair. We've all created our "TYPE". It is my personal belief that having a "type" is just an illusion we create for ourselves to thin out the herd. I don't believe we really have a "type". We create an ideal person and we find the picture of love we've painted in that "type" of person. When do we let down our guard and really look for love and not go shopping for what we think is perfect for us? For those of you who are reading this and still have the opportunity to find what you really need and not what you are looking for. DO IT. Stop building a person up in your head. Let it come and don't deny what you feel because of what you've limited yourself too. Be honest.


Ms. Dottie said...

OH damn girl you go on and say da damn thang!!! I love this blog it's so true. There is no dating just hang outs. My suggestion to all who read this is just meet for drinks. That doesn't mean you have to drink alcohol hell go and get a soda from somewhere, talk, see if you like each other and from there you can decide if you want to ask her to dinner if you like her. If not just end it there. Plus for girls this gives you the chance if asked to dinner to say yes if you like him and no if you don't. Time wasted maybe an hour. Money spent maybe 10 bucks. Also everyone throw away your "list" of expections that you want you're finding a spouse not ordering a robot. The sooner you throw your list away the sooner you'll be happy!!! I'm throwing my list away right now and I'm going to not find but allow a man in my life!!! Love ya Chels

Katrina and Jeff said...

Did I say I am glad I'm not dating anynore? Guys now are lame and girls think they are guys? Whateva....I threw my list out the window and then met the perfect guy for me. I think any guy would be so lucky to have someone like you Chels; smart, funny, and loyal as hell.

Alicia said...

Seriously... NO ONE should EVER have a "type" ... especially one that is based on income or looks. Ugh. Throw out that list and never look back. the happiest marriages I've seen are the ones that said they never saw it coming. "Type" should be a four-letter-word. I love you!

Sione said...

For everyone out there Dot still has a list and it includes smelling like Cool Water Cologne and Newport Cigarettes. Also, if you have construction boots and braids you're guaranteed a date. If you have a long pinky nail and a little bit of a beer gut, you can immediately ask for her hand in marriage!

Big UP!


DEE said...

I totally have a type.

I call them boys.

Angeler said...

Good post.

I was single for a long time (in Mormon years). I'd been in relationships, dated plenty, but went through a really weird 2 year spell of "hanging out" in my mid-20s. It was new to me, not being asked on specific dates, and it was weird. I became great friends with whichever guy I was hanging out with. We'd get really close emotionally, spend time together, rely on each other, etc. I dubbed them my pseudo-boyfriends behind their backs.

After 3 or 4 of these in the space of 2 years, I got burned and had what I like to call a "Come to Jesus." I realized that by investing in these relationships, I was rewarding the cowardice and the ambiguity, what you describe as the "grey area." I took a complete hiatus and abandoned the sucky dating scene. I vowed not to make another "guy friend."

So skip through my 4 month man-fast and all the sudden, guys starting asking me on dates. Real ones. If they alluded to hanging out, I told them I wasn't interested. If they hung around my apartment, I made myself totally unavailable. I would leave or retreat to my room or whatever.

I met Craig when I was with a group of people. I thought he was cute and charming, but also kind of a playboy. So when he called a couple days later, it was a nice surprise. Towards the end of our hilarious conversation, he asked me what I was doing later that week. And then he said "Do you want to do something on Wednesday? I'm asking you on a date. I'm not asking you to hang out." And the rest is history because he sleeps next to me in my bed now.

At the end of the day, when you eventually get married, all "guy friends" go it or not. So don't waste your time right now stocking your cupboard full of guys who just take up time and space. Suck it up, be sociable and wait for the one guy who has the balls to take you out and treat you like a lady.

Erin and James said...

no one should have a type. no one marries their type. it always lets them down. once people get rid of that, then they find true happiness.
also you need to learn that if you don't want boys "asking you to hang out" you say no. you make sure they know you want to go out on a date. once you start letting them know what you want, it gets rid of the losers and gives you the good ones that you deserve who will give you what you want and show you the respect you deserve.
its because girls know that he just wants to "make out" that they cause it upone themselves! im glad i dont have to date anymore! praise the lord for a romantic man who gives me flowers, treats me like a queen and does what i tell him!

Todd Family said...

All i will say is "Amen." Nothing worthwhile came easy...your time will definately come! love you!

Ms. Dottie said...

chels my brother thinks you are hilarious! He did a blog highlight on his blog about you. I just wanted you to know you have fans!!

Jarom and Heidi Taylor said...

Hey it's me, the girl that walked around naked in the locker room!!!! I love your blog. and as for the whole "type" of person you are suppose to marry. You are right. Jarom is nothing like the guy I had thought up in my head. He is so much better. Having that "type" in your head only limits you. And Chels you deserve a guy that buys you flowers all the time. They are out there, I'm emotional wreck these days and Jarom is always bringing me flowers home, just because. See they are out there you just need to realize you deserve it and know you derserve. Good luck, i sure do miss you and i hope you are happy. Check out my blog I should warn you though. it is pretty much a typical morman wife blog... no laughing~!!!!! Call me 435-237-7505