Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Danger in Expectations

This past month I decided to try something out, a little experiment if you will. I realized that being let down had become a very consistent emotion in my everyday. When something negative becomes consistent in anyone's life, their common sense and the ability to think usually leeds to them deconstructing and dissecting their life's current changes or reasoning for feeling this way so often. One of my thoughts on why I was creating and feeling let down was the danger in having expectations. When we create expectations for the people around us, we are giving them the power to prove us right or more often than not prove us terribly wrong. Expectations are very dangerous. My mom said it perfectly when she said, "Don't let expectations become fantasies". True and powerful statement mom's. Agreed.

 Let me give you an example to help you understand my current realization. Dating. Yes, the dreaded social structure we created over time to find that person that fits you perfectly and will share the rest of your life with you. Otherwise known as THE MATE. I don't know what would be more painful, the caveman approach, which is getting hit over the head and dragged into a cave or having dinner with a liar who uses all their words of deceit and gloat? Then once you buy into their lies you find out that they are a total tool and mass texting all the same lines to every other girl that would buy into it the same act. How generic do you feel once you find out that it's working on everybody? Sucks, huh. Ugh...I think I would rather take a couple good hits from the caveman, they can't even text or communicate with words. Perfect. 

Now, having loved and lost, and being the shoulder to cry on for my friends who have also loved and lost. I know how we cope as women. We tell ourselves we can do better and then point out all our recent ex's negative flaws we just barely started noticing at our heartbreaks convenience because it helps us detach from our attachment to them. Attachment, what a bitch, you know her well I'm sure, it's their smell, their laugh, their comfort, their smile... you know all the visual and emotional bull shit that had you hooked to them because you've wasted all your free time making those things more important than reality. Now they go from being everything you ever wanted to being everything you least expected. Fact is, they didn't change. Your EXPECTATIONS did. Before you created expectations and fantasies about who they are or are going to be FOR YOU. Now that they are gone you look them in the eyes, during one of your ever so dramatic break-up fights, and say, "I see your potential, why can't you see it?" Umm, because you made it up in your head. New rule. Date people who have already obtained a potential that will satisfy your needs. NO more fixer uppers. Stop having expectations that are fictitious. Majority of people suck, stop making them out to not. Be prepared.

Now back to my experiment. I tried living my life without expectations. Tricky, right? It's nearly impossible. It's like losing hope completely, not just in others but even yourself. I changed completely during this period of time. Did things I wouldn't normally do because I didn't have expectations for myself. Expectations for ones self are goals, standards, morals, integrity and character. Just because I can't expect others to have these qualities; I can and will expect them from myself. I came to the conclusion that expectations in others can be premeditated disappointment we create in our head. We create these expectations/fantasies to give hope in the people we interact with in our life. I'm back to the realization that the only person I have control over is myself. I can only expect what I can control. Myself. Even if it means letting go and trimming off some social fat or coming off as a complete emotionless bitch when someone does something that shocks everyone because of their EXPECTATIONS! Wow, I feel better. Thanks.


Lanea Sampson said...

Chelsea-I LOVE reading your blog! You say the truth in such a truthful way. Hang in there (and tell your mom hi!)

Monica said...

Awe! I Love you!

Erin and James said...

it's true. james had high expectations when he married me, poor thing, i stomped on all of them!
the only thing you can ever control is yourself, and im still trying to learn that...probably will never master it since i like to be a control freak!