Thursday, June 11, 2009


The rain has overstayed its welcome the last couple days. It is June, not April. Eff' April showers, you missed your window this year you harlot. Back off already, I need to lay out. Not only has the rain ruined my tanning schedule and given me afternoon insomnia, it has also become my hairs arch nemesis. Every time I leave any warm comfortable shelter and enter out into the cold, humid, moist downfall, my hair lies lazily to the side of my head. VOLUME is everything when you are a round faced Italian with short blonde hair. The rain is destroying my swagger and forcing me to hermit away. It needs to exit my life story, now. 

Interestingly enough, the rain has brought to my attention a mutual understanding with one of my close friends Drewbie. At lunch today, after running through a squall from my car Harriet into one of our beloved Cafe Rio locations, Drew and I landed upon the conversation of kissing in the rain. Now, I can enjoy a storm just as much as the next gal, but viewing it from the inside of it is not my idea of sexy or arousing. A nice covered porch, house or car window is very much appreciated for my comfort and viewing pleasure. This dry comfortable preference was only reiterated while I was eating my pork burrito completely soaking wet from my fifteen yard jaunt in the rain from my car to shelter. My current damp condition killed my appetite, so I can't imagine what it would do to my sex drive. 

Getting to the point...Why does our media and society make kissing in the rain out to be some exotic and sexy experience?!? It is extremely overrated. I'm here to tell you why. Much needs to be thought out before you fall into, and believe in this exotic cliche and imagery that is kissing in the rain. For one, rain is filthy, disgustingly polluted and dirty. It falls through our toxic atmosphere and lands upon your head and your partners head only to drip from the hairs, scalp oils and hair product of each one of your heads and down your faces. Gross. 

Not knowing your partners hygienic rituals only brings more fear to the current chemistry that is falling down your faces, onto your lips and into your mouths. You are eating their Herbal Essence or Suave... literally, and not in a good way. (cheap shampoo=cheap kiss) Now, the kiss finally takes place, it might be nice, it might not, but at this point it is not the quality of the kiss you are going for but the story of you kissing in the rain. Why do you do this? You do this because the imagery of this wet kiss has been made out to be an ideal aphrodisiac by our pop culture. Fool'd again, you fall into our media's tempting lures. We are all puppets, dammit.

The kiss is over, you are most likely left unsatisfied, freezing, wet, uncomfortable, awkward looking and haggard. Was it worth it? Unless this kiss ends with a trail of wet clothes and a pregnancy test, you are probably just making the awkward drive home looking like a wet dog and chaffing from the seam of your wet designer jeans. 

Drew and I both decided that kissing in the rain is just not doing it for us, especially after you factor in the cons to this widely viewed pro, that is, kissing in the rain.


Coco said...

bahahahahaha touché! That was super funny Chels...and very informing!

Erin and James said...

first off one word:
secondly: come to az where the sun doesn't ever leave unfortunatley
thirdly: kissing in the rain is fun if yoiu have been playing out in the rain and it's going to lead to sex...other than that i see your point!

Danielle said...

I think your missing the point....the whole reason kissing in the rain is because the DESIRE to kiss outweighs the CONS, you know, the wet, yucky results of's just that the desire to kiss takes over, and the rest doesn't matter.

Go get kissed.